Roxanne reports 4 months after the birth of her first son Mauro. She has postpartum depression and I recognize signs of post-traumatic stress syndrome after the traumatizing delivery and signs of parental burnout. Physically, she has a lot of muscle tension, back pain, heart palpitations, has sleep problems and is exhausted. She feels sad, scared and anxious. Gloomy thoughts, disappointment in herself and great uncertainty form dark clouds over her young motherhood.
On the one hand, we discover together:
– How she has been functioning in a fight/flight mode all her life
– how they spiraled into a mutual disregulation: mom and baby clinging to each other, Mauro crying a lot but finding no bed for his story, mom too exhausted to carry him emotionally.
– How she shows love through her own love languages in the form of focused attention and help, just what she desires and insufficiently receives from her environment. She herself is a type who “gives herself empty,” like so many mothers.
– the importance of self-preservation and the difference with self-care: once you are well into the red, there is no point in “doing nice things for yourself,” because you have no energy for that. You can’t afford anything more than “back to basics”: sleep, being outdoors, exercise and healthy eating.
– her own part in the strained relationship with her husband Robby.
– How and when her own inner Child and Critical Parent are triggered and what their needs are.
Through relaxation, breathing and other feeling exercises, on the other hand, Roxanne gains self-awareness and is able to relax her body better. Mauro is sent to a baby therapist and his parents learn how to be a firm bed for him. She learns to say “no,” to feel her limits and to cross off her to-do list. She plans more rest during the day, a network of family and family help is organized, reducing the burden on her shoulders. She learns to make more eye contact and openly discusses what she is feeling with Robby.
Through physical process work, we dive into the world of her subconscious, where limiting beliefs and basic negative beliefs about life are adjusted. Her traumatizing birth experience is also being discharged.
After a full year of counseling, she achieves her personal goal of this course, which is ‘that her happiness barometer is higher than 50 % ‘ . In the beginning she barely reached 20%, now she is at 65% 😊 She is much stronger in her shoes. After the fearful symbiosis between her and Mauro, a more secure bond is now beginning to grow between them, making it easier for him to distance himself from her (‘separation’, they call it).
